História 2:00 a.m thought - Getting better

It all started my 8the grade year where life just started to suck and everthings started to go down and I got put down a lot and I started to hate everything about myself. I started getting sadder and I stopped hanging out with everyone but they didn't noticed when I started to cut and hid my wrist. Things got a little better I met an amazing person who promised me to stop and which I did until he left and it made me feel worst about myself, after he left he spreaded rumors and all the "things" we did together, which wasn't true. Things started to suck more, but it's summer time so I couldn't hid it anymore so I colored myself with marker to help which I learned from my friends. After a while I started to play more sports to push myself to find something in life I enjoy and save myself. My friends did start to notice, but tbh my two best friends are the same way so it's hard to quit when we can't promise our self to stop, eventually it was months on end where we never thought to pick up the razor and give up for sometime everything seem perfect. Freshman year wasn't better I saw how pretty ever other girl was and how they always got the guy and I'm just me,  I joined the flag team it became my life and the team mates we're honestly the most amazing people I've got to meet in my life. I also tried for basketball wasn't nt that best idea, but I ended up enjoying it. Something hit me that year it hurt me a lot things started going down the hill once more I lost all my friends but the two I've had for a while now. I started not wanting to do anything anymore all I wanted to do was die so I started cutting again and one night I decided I was going to do it and just get over with and not have to worry about anything, my brother took me out that night just to cool off cause he came into my room and saw me crying he didn't know and still doesn't but he saved me that night. I still had the marks in my wrist and it was track season someone saw them but said nothing but smiled at me but tbh I'm glad they didn't cause I wouldn't know how to answer without breaking down. I did meet this guy who helped me out a lot he became my best friend then my boi and he never knew about it I didn't plan on telling him I was pretty scared about what he would say. It was the summer of sophomore year where I last cutted my self where I promised to stop, but something clicked and I just wanted to die once again I didn't wanna see the next day anymore I took sleeping pills so I wouldn't wake up for a while it's like being dead without the commitment and I enjoyed it I did this a lot that summer and didn't leave my room a lot, things just became harder to do and stuff stared hurting more. I finally got off my ass and did something about it I started finding things that helped with it not always but it did help a lot. When things get really bad all I do is clean so I end up cleaning everything and it keeps my mind off it and I see that I can make a different for being alive today. I get help from my brother and my best friend who help me out everytime I go through it without them I doubt I'd be here today. So if you think your alone fight a battle by yourself your not you just gotta found the people it can help so much more talking to someone about it. And you're strong and you can make it, you're a surviver ❤ I believe in you 💞