História Love or Despair? - Single Chapter

My name is Gehenna ( practically hell), I'm 19, but could be 16 and be lying. Yeah, but I'm not lying. I wanted to get back in 16 years, then I would do anything different. I wanted to know how to make music and stories, wanted to make people smile, because I did not smile in my heart dwells shadows  and darkness, and darkness, and there is no room for love. I wish I could fall in love, like any other woman would, I wish I cold smile, but I am, and I just can not do simple things.

I do not regret the things I did, but the things that did not have what is wanted. I was sorry people, I now see thath they even deserved to go through worse. What would you do if you were me? Suddenly I find  myself with a terminal illness, passion, I did not eat, I did not  want to drink, I thought only of ways to have it for me. When I die, ask God why he was not made for me... And I know, I did not deserve it, I'm disgusting, I can not deal with feelings and end up putting his foot in often, not always. If I could turn back time, I would  have done more  than just sex with him, I would have married him, and would have even accepted that aburd idea to have children just to please him. But I do not have I time machine. I was desperate for  him.

So long and Istill remembering him, he should now have realized their dream, married, made a family. And I? I did not realize anything, my dream was him. I would have more value if he knew that what I felt was love... Now I feel hurt, I'm sorry if I let you go, I Hope you're missing me, that is quite happy, only next to me, otherwise fuck it.

But that's not how it works, is not it? I  say fuck it, still more caring. i do not understand, I do not understand my feelings, my sense of disorder is huge. I swear if you were not so beautiful, I would fill you in beating, for you see that the only thing missing in you I am, for you see that I was born to love you, or be idiot. One time I seem to love in another is not near me. My feeling are blurry, and I can, not thicken, I wish you love, read my thoughts and come to me with everything you  have. But back to reality, you will never mine. One day I will get to express myself? You think I can. I can hardly tell you a simple "hi", imagine say I love you. So I writing this letter...

...That will not  be delivered...