História Nothing. - 11;14 p.m.

It's late at night and I can't sleep. I feel extremely tired and stressed but for some reason my mind doesn't seem to shut down it's thoughts about you, subcontionsly.
Because I will never admit that i actually thinks about you, I've already admitted that I cared, once. But now you don't think I care anymore, and that's a good thing.
You have to stay as far away as you can from me. Why? Because for now, I am nobody, and you are.
I can be the math genius that helps you pass your classes but I can't be the genius by your side in your life, I can't even admit to myself that I care.
I see you smile with her, she is someone, at least in your eyes and in your friends eyes, she is.
You were friends since forever, and even though she is your ex now, and you broke up because of problems that could be solved, neither of you had the courage to fix it.
I still see that smile and anxiety every time you see her, I can feel the vibrations in the air. I don't know her as much as I do you, but she smiles as soon as your eyes meet.
Maybe you and her were meant to be. Maybe me and you were meant to be. I need to be clear of something, you are not the prettiest boy I've ever seen.
You are not my type. You aren't the guy I would see in the hallway and say that is the love of my life. Actually when i met you, i was in love with your friend.
So I thought '' Imma be friends with this weird guy where so I can get to him ''. And that was the only fucking reason I texted you that day, after that stupid test.
I guess I've never felt so lonely in my life.
And I have even more people now, I can call anyone late at night to do some random shit but I feel lonely anyway. Something is missing.
That something isn't you, but you were the one that took it from me.
I have friends, real friends. But I don't feel real. I could just leave, tonight, and they would say once n a while something like '' I miss that crazy bitch talking about boys ''.
But is that really all I am? This is going too deep, this is beginning to be too private.
I'm tired of writing fucking letters. Everytime I catch myself thinking about you a make a stupid letter saying goddbye and those feelings actually goes away.
But then, the next day, you really need to stare at me with those green lost eyes? Do you have to talk to me as if nothing was going on?
I hate Brazil. I HATE IT. I hate being forced around by everyone. I mean, c'mon do I look like a stupid 14 year old ?
I can't choose anything in life, one school after another, fake fucking people.
After all these years, I met hundreds of different people that called themselves my friends, WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Where were they in any moment of my life?
I am so lonely I get too found of people, and when they go away, I miss them.
It's been 45 minutes since I started writing this and I asked for help. People saw me asking for help, and they left me on read.
Is that what being best friends means in 2017? I guess it's true.
I do not need anymore friends if they all leave, if they all are going to be fake one day. I am fucking tired.
Why can't someone actually see me? Not just a shadow of me, actually me?
I mean you. It could be you. But it never will be. And I don't care, I am leaving. Good bye Cam, and good bye my so-called-friends.